my heart is full and my door is always open
by adriftinthedark
Summary: "Rose, you can't cheat on me with me. And I am. I'm still me."


Rose looked up at the ceiling and thought of her nights without the Doctor. The room was always too quiet without the low hum of the TARDIS lulling her to sleep. That didn't really matter though, did it? What really mattered was that she knew that the Doctor was just down the hall, within reach. Some nights he would even sneak into her room just as she was drifting off and hold her as she fell asleep. In the morning he was always gone, and they didn't talk about it. They didn't have to.

After Canary Wharf, Rose spent years trying to find her way back home. Deep down she knew that she would find her way back somehow. The last thing she had expected was for the Doctor to be back here with her.

Her thoughts went back to the man down the hall. In the week that they had been back things had been so hectic. After the TARDIS left they walked to the nearest hotel, hand in hand. Jackie a good ten feet ahead of them. They didn't say much, and when they finally arrived and entered the small restaurant in the lobby Rose let go of the Doctor's hand. She didn't miss his hurt expression and grabbed his hand under the table as soon as they were seated at a booth.

After that it was a flurry of zeppelins, official documents and clothes shopping. No time for them to really talk.

The room suddenly felt too small. Years of looking for the Doctor and he was right down the bloody hall. She got up, pulling a jumper over her t-shirt, and decided to check if he was still awake. After all, he was part human now.

"Doctor," she knocked softly on his door. "are you awake?" After a few moments she decided to head back to her room, but just as she made to turn around the door flung open.

"Hello!" The Doctor stood there, in a blue T-Shirt and pin stripe pajama bottoms. His hair sticking up at all angles and his glasses askew. "What brings you here at this time?"

Rose narrowed her eyes. "Its only midnight..."

"Oh, right! Of course. Still a lord of time, me." The Doctor said, pulling on his wonky ear.

Rose looked away. "Well, I was just wondering if you were awake... couldn't sleep." She crossed her arms subconsciously, feeling a little silly now. "But I'll uh, just go -"

"No!" The Doctor quickly grabbed her hand before she could turn away. "I want you." Rose's head shot up at that, and the Doctor suddenly realized what he had just said. "To come in, that is! Not that I don't - you know, someday, when you're ready..." He trailed off, and sighed. "Blimey."

A smirk grew on Rose's face, "I know what you meant, Doctor." She walked into the room and he closed the door softly behind her. Looking around the large room, she took in her surroundings. She'd been in this room a million times, it was a guest room and sometimes she used it to be alone, but it was different with the Doctor's presence. The only light came from the moon, shining in through the large window. Her thoughts drifted back to the TARDIS coral the other Doctor had given them, she wondered if they would ever be out there again.

She turned to ask the Doctor where the coral was now, but the question died on her lips. Her heart swelled as she took in the man before her, hands in his pockets and rocking on his heels. The simple gesture was so achingly familiar.

"What?" he asked, a bemused expression on his face.

She shook her head and instead of answering him crossed the room in quick strides and threw hers arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck.

"What's all this about?"

"It's just - you're really here. And I missed you so much. I feel so, conflicted cause, I feel like I'm betraying him by being happy that you're here."

The Doctor pulled away to look at her, he brought his hands up from her waist to cup her face and wipe away her tears. "Rose, you can't cheat on me with me. And I am. I'm still me."

His eyes were pleading for her to believe him, and she did. "I know that, Doctor. I've known that since..." she blushed light pink and looked away.

"Since what?"

She took a deep breath and looked back at him. "Since, well... since you told me that you loved me." She heard the Doctor's breath catch. "When you said it, and pulled back to I looked at you. I saw it in your eyes. That's why I kissed you, why I chose you. I-I love you."

He nodded and swallowed thickly, fingers brushing her bottom lip now. "Then what's the matter, Rose? Why won't you let me in?"

Her eyes filled with tears again, and bit her lip. "Cause, I know that he's alone. You told me what happened with Donna. How can I let myself be happy when I know that he's in pain?"

"Rose, there is something I have to tell you." Taking her by the hand, they sat on the edge of the bed. He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "Its - its something that he - I - we, had been running away from for a long time. I can accept it now, because I'm not him anymore. Not in that way. But he is probably still running from it."

Rose's heart pounded in her chest. "What is it?"

"He's going to regenerate. Soon. I dunno. It's like we're still connected. I can feel what he feels sometimes, you know? He's scared. They told us, "He will knock four times."

"But what does that mean?"

"Dunno - just that his song is ending." The Doctor looked away. "Rose, he will be okay. I always am. He loves you. We love you. More than you will ever know." He rubbed her hand with his thumb as he said this, the words still foreign on his lips. "But he will move on. This time - it might just take a new face for that to happen."

Rose looked at him and asked; "But you said, you can feel what he feels, yeah? Does that mean that he can feel what you feel too?" hoping that somehow, the other Doctor could feel the happiness this Doctor felt.

He smiled softly. Letting go of her hand, he reached up to brush her hair back away from her face and stroke her face gently with the back of his fingers. "I hope so. Because I am so happy. This is all I have ever wanted. To be with you."

She felt herself flush, "really?"

"Really. I was born loving you."

A silence fell between them, and she found herself looking at his lips. _God he was gorgeous_. Her heart was in her throat as she felt him caress her bottom lip with his thumb. He whispered her name and she leaned forward and closed the short distance between them, pressing her lips to his softly. One of his hands came to rest on her waist, while the other cupped her face. She ran her fingers through his hair as she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss and he groaned pushing her softly back into the mattress. He lay half on top of her as they kissed and kissed, making up for years of lost time and missed opportunities.

He pulled away, panting, and she pulled his plump bottom lip between her own and sucked gently. She smiled against his lips as she heard a small whimper escape his throat.

"Been wanting to do that."

"Been wanting to do a lot of things, me" He kissed her softly one more time, trying to get his heart rate back in control. "Was too much of a coward. Too afraid to lose you."

"And now?" She asked, barely a whisper.

"I don't have to be afraid anymore. I have one life, and I am going to spend it with you."

"If I want."

He chuckled at the memory, remembering how nervous he had been. "Well... I took the snogging as a yes."

She blushed and then yawned. "Sorry."

"Must be all snogging." The Doctor replied, smirking. "Come on lets get you to bed."

Rose stopped him as he made to get up. "I thought - I thought I could sleep with you tonight... if that's okay."

"Rose Tyler, that is brilliant."

She smiled and scooted up and under the sheets. He got in after her and opened his arms to her. Getting the hint, she snuggled up to him and laid her head on his chest as his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"Goodnight, Doctor."

He kissed the top of her head and tightened his arms around her. "Goodnight, Rose."

She closed her eyes and let the sound of his heart beat lull her to sleep.


End file.
